Click Where For Anything Real

This week’s piece is inspired by a mash-up of 90 Day Fiance:

.. this documentary:

…and all of the different kinds of longing, loneliness, desperation, addiction, connection, almost-love, actual love, distance, faux closeness, and other everythings that these clips fill me with over and over.

Note: this is drafty, nowhere near finished.

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She types: I’m tired of guys who only want to fuck on cam.

I type: what about wanting to hold your hand forever?

She types: I bet you’re holding your dick rn.

I type: it’s just me and Ralphy here.

She types: is that what you call it?

She doesn’t know Ralphy is my dog, who I talk to every so often - mostly when the internet is lagging, or the online groceries show up late.

I type: I’m so different to all those other guys.

I don’t type: I’m out of work, kind of sad a chunk of the time, haven’t had anything kiss me even on the cheek since those AK47 bullets in the VR shoot-em-up that felt so real I cried.

I don’t type: because I’m not sure I’m deserving of love.

She types: you’re my special friend, you just have to prove it.

I type: I feel like we’re more than friends, don’t you?

She types: if you buy a heart, you can send it to me.

I type: I already have a heart, until I give it to you, my darling.

I don’t know how to type the wink face, so I just wink at the screen.

Ralphy is being a super good boy and curling his tail around the computer chair.

He’s helping me to be brave and stay logged, even if I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

She types: buying a heart is like sending me a message, only better. It’s like you’re giving me your heart over and over.

I type: can someone have more than one heart?

She types: if you ever message another girl, it’s over.

I type: what do you mean?

She types a skull and crossbones face.

I type: what do you really want to do, in life?

She types: YOU, BABY. YOU!

I type: can I call you on video?

She types: my cam is broken.

I type: can I hear your voice?

She types: my voice sounds like violins, a river, your favourite song.

I type: wow, these hearts are expensive as hell.

She types: you deserve love, no matter how much it costs.

She types: the more you pay, the more you receive.

She types: baby, I have to go for now, but I will return one day.

She types: I will have more photos for you, and only you.

She types: upgrade your membership and let us begin to write our love story.

She goes offline for a million years.

I type: where are you?

I type: I’ve done something pretty crazy.

I type: I’ve bought one hundred hearts.

I type: all for you.

Someone types: if one of our singles is not able to reply, please do not worry.

They will always be thinking of you.

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Writing (That Got Me Writing) Of The Week:

Melissa Lozada-Oliva - ‘Tonsils’:

violinist in Harvard square with light-up sneakers, covering Usher’s ‘U Got It Bad’.

/

the kind where you don’t tell anyone where things are wrong, because it’s the only way you’ve known love.

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And my piece in response:

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TURNS OUT


   the perceived knucklehead 

        bulleting breathless discourse

  into curled fist of microphone

        outside JD Sports 

   will arrange their slowly

      dying someone inside

the temporary arms of

   a manual hoist

 before the sun kicks-in.

   

    What are you proud of?  

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Now We Write

Start Anywhere

Pick one line, sentence, or image from this week’s post that resonated with you.

Use that as a title / first-line / jump-off point to write freely.

OR

Riffing off Melissa’s sharing of the things that ‘best match my heart’, consider your own heart.

What matches it? Which is to say: what images, sounds, feelings, details.

List three things that leap out of the gates when considering said question.

Snow On A Wing Mirror

The Sound Of Twenty Students Writing In Silence

Watering Flowers In The Near-Dark

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Which feels especially critical? Would you put your house on?

Take the title of ‘My Heart’ (shout-out to this killer poem of Frank O’ Hara’s by the same name, btw: My Heart).

Either fill the piece with the variousness of the things that match your heart OR focus on one and unravel that one area via the page.

Write. Be it a poem, prose piece, sprawl of language, mess of notes.

Don't be afraid to be as playful as so-real with the truth of it.

See where it takes you.

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Share Challenge

Consider sharing the results (be it the greatest-thing-you-ever-wrote-ever, a first draft so rough it needs a super long hug, or simply how you found the process itself).

You could post in the comments, message me, or let someone you trust take a look.

You could also abandon it because when the sky is that level of blue, the only option is to look into its eyes for infinity.

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Write With Me!

Ongoing Courses

Five-Week Creative Writing Zoom Course: Mondays at 6.30pm - 8pm (UK-Time). Commences May 13th (LIMITED SPACES LEFT)

1-Off Workshops

Embrace The Cringe - On The Rewards Of Risking Sentimentality In Our Writing Practice: 10am - 12pm (UK-Time) on Saturday May 11th

Something More Than A Puzzle - Writing Poems That Matter: 10am - 12pm (UK-Time) on Sunday June 9th

Get in touch for further details / costs.

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These Songs Wave Wildly And Say Hi

This week's post was written whilst listening to ‘Spiegel im Spiegel’ by Arvo Pärt:

…and ‘Lamb’ by Gorecki:

…and ‘Toxic’ by A Static Lullaby:

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